So I read something I wasn't supposed to. Isn't that always how it happens? Men discussing women's weight. Their significant other's weights. My S.O. decided to talk about how I have gained 20lbs since we started dating. This is how the conversation went. I'm not even going to edit it.
Thinks he's too cool:
why once u get a girl she goes and gains weight on you like it aint shit
S.O.:
lol
that is like auto
Pinky gained 20 on me
Thinks he's too cool:
smh
y?
lol
S.O.:
dont know
she start cooking everyday
try to impress or something
her body was sick when I met her
but I was around her so much I didn't notice she was putting on weight
Thinks he's so cool:
then it was like pow right in the kisser!!!
S.O.:
when she gain at least it does not look as bad as other chicks. I didn;t notice until she could not finish all our 100 yard sprints
Thinks he's too cool:
Man girls are funny like that
S.O.
yeah
Girls are funny like that.
I started thinking about if women (or I ) that love our men sit around and talk about their imperfections to our girlfriends. I wonder sometimes if they even have a clue that they are NOT the same person we met when we first fell in love. Like take for example, he used to LOVE holding my hand when we first started dating. Now? ha! It's like we're in middle school "we're in public" yeah, and? or other intimate things that I can totally just put on blast on here...but I won't. Why? Because I'm better than that. Also because I wasn't supposed to read this. Moral of the story? You dig (and I didn't even dig) you find. Voila!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Keeping my eye on the prize
I've been praying a whole lot since Sunday. More than usual. Unlike my prayers as a teenager "please make me pretty" or "Lord, if you grant me X I will stop lying to my parents." I have evolved and matured into a pretty wonderful young lady. My prayers now a day are for guidance, understanding and acceptance for the things that make no sense to me but are his will. My soul is at ease today.
Though my future at times seems uncertain, I am at peace.
Here's a recap of my week thus far.
Sunday, I injured my ankle during a soccer game. Scared out of my mind, I get carried off the field like a cavewoman...Over my S.O.'s shoulder. If I wasn't in so much pain I would have laughed. I think I may have through the tears. Something happened in between that time and the time I got home....Fight/Argument. Let's fast forward through that. I'm working on me right now.
Monday, tension at home. My dog still loves me, thank God for pets unconditional love. I had to make a tough decision and drop a class. I hate dropping courses but worse I hate failing at anything. I'm retaking the course in the summer. I need to get through this class. Microbiology, you may be the death of me...or not.
Tuesday, woke up feeling a little bit better. Prayer helps!
Side note: Funny how I spent so many years angry with God. Wondering why did you take their lives and not mine? It took me a while to understand that surviving wasn't my punishment but a gift to live my life to the fullest. Everything happens for a reason.
Back to today. It rained while I was on campus. Of course I didn't have my umbrella. I still felt good. Almost as if something inside of me knows it is going to be OK. I noticed my attitude or reaction to my "situation" at home has a positive impact on it all. I really can't let this consume this. I can only be me.
I felt like writing something random today, though I have many thoughts. Just to share that I do feel better today and thanks to those of you that have had kind words for me, wonderful emails and text messages. I'm going to review and study right now, since I dropped one class I need to ace the other one that I'm still registered for. The labs are going to be a piece of cake (thus far). Regardless I hope you guys find yourselves in a happy place today and if not think of one and get there quick. Life is too short to be upset. Funny coming from me right? What can I say, you live, you learn.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Just when you thought things were getting better.
I know that some of the problems I find in my relationship are directly (or indirectly) my fault. Things like attitude problems, or yelling when in pain from a soccer injury. Yes you read that right. All that can be misinterpreted, and obviously it can also make my better half rethink everything that makes him unhappy with me. So after apologizing for yelling at him (I still don't remember doing this, I was in pain...most people yell when in pain) and having a not so good night sleep I wake up and try to be the better person.
I try to get close to him.
Him: What are you doing?
Me: Trying to get close to you.
Him: Don't do that.
Me: So you don't want me to get close to your or talk to you?
Him: Right
He eventually gets up and leaves the room.
Now I know he's stubborn and once he's upset it takes him a while to calm down. So after that conversation this morning I just laid in bed staring at the ceiling. Just breathing and trying to relax.
He comes back into the room and says "I will say one thing. I'm looking for jobs outside of the state, and if I find one, I'm taking it" and to top it off "I'm only telling you this so you're not surprised"
Are you kidding me?
So I said "So Im not surprised? What do you think this is?"
Him: I don't want to discuss it, it's not even about yesterday.
Ok I get it, you're upset. Apparently you're not happy. So are you done trying? Are you going to try until you find a job outside of this state? What about our house? What about all that other stuff that made me settle down with you and buy this home?
I don't know if I'm upset or if I want to cry. I feel as if there's a hole in my chest and air is just going through it. I'm going through the motions this morning because I don't know what else to do. I feel numb.
I've learned that regardless of what he decides to do I need to worry about myself, because he's not thinking about me right now.
I know I can be self destructive but I'm not trying to go down that route, and though there are days that I wish I wasn't alive, I know it's just my anger talking and that God has better things in store for me. Whether it be with him or by myself.
I try to get close to him.
Him: What are you doing?
Me: Trying to get close to you.
Him: Don't do that.
Me: So you don't want me to get close to your or talk to you?
Him: Right
He eventually gets up and leaves the room.
Now I know he's stubborn and once he's upset it takes him a while to calm down. So after that conversation this morning I just laid in bed staring at the ceiling. Just breathing and trying to relax.
He comes back into the room and says "I will say one thing. I'm looking for jobs outside of the state, and if I find one, I'm taking it" and to top it off "I'm only telling you this so you're not surprised"
Are you kidding me?
So I said "So Im not surprised? What do you think this is?"
Him: I don't want to discuss it, it's not even about yesterday.
Ok I get it, you're upset. Apparently you're not happy. So are you done trying? Are you going to try until you find a job outside of this state? What about our house? What about all that other stuff that made me settle down with you and buy this home?
I don't know if I'm upset or if I want to cry. I feel as if there's a hole in my chest and air is just going through it. I'm going through the motions this morning because I don't know what else to do. I feel numb.
I've learned that regardless of what he decides to do I need to worry about myself, because he's not thinking about me right now.
I know I can be self destructive but I'm not trying to go down that route, and though there are days that I wish I wasn't alive, I know it's just my anger talking and that God has better things in store for me. Whether it be with him or by myself.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Valentine's Day
Valentines day isn't always what you hope it would be. You want roses, chocolates or just a nice dinner. Maybe you just want to spend a night at home because the economy is so bad, well why do anything else?
Me? I expected to spend a nice evening at home with my S.O. but I guess he had other plans. I asked him on Thursday what were were doing and I was merely being facetious. We found out last month he was laid off and made an agreement to not make any unnecessary purchases. I like to believe I'm a simple girl with extravagant taste. I can honestly say that had we stayed home and cuddled or watched videos or more realistically if I would have watched him play video games, I would have been OK with it. Why? Because life is full of compromises and though some people may not believe this I do have a heart and I know when things get tough you have to compromise.
Anyhow back to my original thought. I asked him what we had planned and he said "We're going to watch a fight." I thought surely he was joking with me, he had a whole big surprised planned just for me, but I know him better than that. He's not the surprise type of guy. He's direct and when he tells you he's going to do something, he does it. He doesn't sugar coat anything, for example "Honey do I look fat?" he would respond "Well that shirt didn't fit you that way last year."
I have learned if I don't want to hear the answer, don't ask the question. So when he told me about Saturday night and in my fluffy dream cloud I made up the most romantic Valentines day ever, I quickly came back to reality and realized he wasn't joking.
The next day in bed, I asked him again what we were exactly doing. He explained his friend got some free tickets and invited us to go with him and his girlfriend. He asked concerned and bothered "Why? You don't want to go?" Who am I to say I don't wanna go? Sure I will try just about anything once.
So last night we go watch an HBO Boxing after dark special (or whatever it's called). While we're sitting in the car waiting for his friends to arrive I asked him are you OK? You don't seem like yourself. He says to me "I don't want to talk about it" (pause) I said, "I understand but could you tell me what it pertains to? Is it you, me, work...what?" He answers "You, and I don't want to possibly ruin this night. I just want to enjoy it"
Now why in the hell did he think it was OK to drop a bomb like that and expect me to be like "OK, let's enjoy this evening" So me being the person that I am start to think of everything and anything that may be wrong. That I may have done NOW. There are so many things that I can think of and none of them seem enough to have a talk over.
It is now 1pm Sunday and we still haven't had said conversation. I can worry myself sick or keep studying.
After I post this I will keep studying.
I used to dream about the day he would propose but it seems the longer we are together the less likely this may be. I mean he loves me but he's not the type to think love will conquer all He's the type to say I love you, but I can't be with you I guess I'm just waiting for the ball to drop or for him to prove my suspicions wrong. In the mean time I need to take care of myself, because at the end of the day if he doesn't want to be with me (though it would hurt terribly) he does not define me or make me.
I came into this world alone and I will probably go out alone. I should be thankful to be where I am at and I need to work twice as hard to get to where I want to be career wise and in every other aspect of my life.
I have grown up over the past few years and it's very apparent to me. Years ago typing this would have brought me to tears and though I feel like crying and laying in bed all day I know life must go on and though it may feel like it, this isn't the end.
Me? I expected to spend a nice evening at home with my S.O. but I guess he had other plans. I asked him on Thursday what were were doing and I was merely being facetious. We found out last month he was laid off and made an agreement to not make any unnecessary purchases. I like to believe I'm a simple girl with extravagant taste. I can honestly say that had we stayed home and cuddled or watched videos or more realistically if I would have watched him play video games, I would have been OK with it. Why? Because life is full of compromises and though some people may not believe this I do have a heart and I know when things get tough you have to compromise.
Anyhow back to my original thought. I asked him what we had planned and he said "We're going to watch a fight." I thought surely he was joking with me, he had a whole big surprised planned just for me, but I know him better than that. He's not the surprise type of guy. He's direct and when he tells you he's going to do something, he does it. He doesn't sugar coat anything, for example "Honey do I look fat?" he would respond "Well that shirt didn't fit you that way last year."
I have learned if I don't want to hear the answer, don't ask the question. So when he told me about Saturday night and in my fluffy dream cloud I made up the most romantic Valentines day ever, I quickly came back to reality and realized he wasn't joking.
The next day in bed, I asked him again what we were exactly doing. He explained his friend got some free tickets and invited us to go with him and his girlfriend. He asked concerned and bothered "Why? You don't want to go?" Who am I to say I don't wanna go? Sure I will try just about anything once.
So last night we go watch an HBO Boxing after dark special (or whatever it's called). While we're sitting in the car waiting for his friends to arrive I asked him are you OK? You don't seem like yourself. He says to me "I don't want to talk about it" (pause) I said, "I understand but could you tell me what it pertains to? Is it you, me, work...what?" He answers "You, and I don't want to possibly ruin this night. I just want to enjoy it"
Now why in the hell did he think it was OK to drop a bomb like that and expect me to be like "OK, let's enjoy this evening" So me being the person that I am start to think of everything and anything that may be wrong. That I may have done NOW. There are so many things that I can think of and none of them seem enough to have a talk over.
It is now 1pm Sunday and we still haven't had said conversation. I can worry myself sick or keep studying.
After I post this I will keep studying.
I used to dream about the day he would propose but it seems the longer we are together the less likely this may be. I mean he loves me but he's not the type to think love will conquer all He's the type to say I love you, but I can't be with you I guess I'm just waiting for the ball to drop or for him to prove my suspicions wrong. In the mean time I need to take care of myself, because at the end of the day if he doesn't want to be with me (though it would hurt terribly) he does not define me or make me.
I came into this world alone and I will probably go out alone. I should be thankful to be where I am at and I need to work twice as hard to get to where I want to be career wise and in every other aspect of my life.
I have grown up over the past few years and it's very apparent to me. Years ago typing this would have brought me to tears and though I feel like crying and laying in bed all day I know life must go on and though it may feel like it, this isn't the end.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Unconditional Love
In my years on this earth I have always thought that the love between a man and a woman had to be unconditional in order for it to be true. Though I have had many relationships, long term, I always thought Mr. Right would love me unconditionally. So I meet "Mr. Right" and think he is the one, I can feel it in my bones. I see that he is the one that I want to have children with and whose name I want to take. Years pass and things progress. Then one day I wake up and realize he doesn't love me unconditionally. I wondered if I have made the biggest mistake of my life or if something was wrong with me. Did he deceive me? Hardly, if anything he's been the most honest individual in my life.
"Honey does this shirt make me look fat?"
"Well you don't look the same way you did a year ago"
Thanks for the honesty love.
Anyhow does this make him an evil person or does this make our relationship doomed? Absolutely not. If anything it makes him brutally honest and me, well it makes me get off of my cloud 9 and get back to reality.
"Honey does this shirt make me look fat?"
"Well you don't look the same way you did a year ago"
Thanks for the honesty love.
Anyhow does this make him an evil person or does this make our relationship doomed? Absolutely not. If anything it makes him brutally honest and me, well it makes me get off of my cloud 9 and get back to reality.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Football (Americano)
It's that time of the year again. Football season is here and unlike most women I'm actually thrilled. See not only do I love sports and actually enjoy playing and watching them but I love the look in my SB (nickname for my hunny) eyes when there is a game on the tube. The man is an absolute football aficionado so needless to say he picked up his copy of Madden 2008 at midnight.
One of the greatest things about football season is that I know where my man will be at all times, but I digress. This is about the fact that football season is here and I think some women need to stop bitching and complaining about football and get into it. Just like you want your man to go with you to the ballet or to watch a play because it's something you like, you should be able to watch a game, or two or five (yikes!) and be able to do it without bitching and whining. Hell I know college football is right around the corner and I know how I get when my Hurricanes play. I can't wait to see what happens this season, but again I digress.
..
So here it goes ladies if you don't know about football here is your crash course on it. I will try and write it out in lehman's terms.
There are alway 11 players on the field for each team. One team will have their offense and the other their defense. If your team is on offense you want them to run the ball 10 yards from where they started in order to get a "FIRST DOWN" (you have four opportunities to do this) and you want to get many FIRST DOWN'S until you get a touchdown.
This is what the ref does when there is a touch down
When your team is on defense you want them to stop the offense from getting a first down. Got it? Good!
If the ref throws a yellow flag, that means it's a penalty. He will say who it's against so pay attention. If you can't hear him or understand him just watch the expression on your SO's (significant other's) face, this will be a dead give away.
Oh one more thing. The kicker either kicks for 3 pts, meaning when the offense is close to the endzone (the end of the field) and on fourth down and can't converge (i.e. score) the kicker has the weight of the world on his shoulders. You better pray there isn't a wide let or right, FSU fans can relate to this (ha).
Anyhow if the kicker is kicking after a touchdown, he is kicking a P.A.T. (point after touchdown).
I think I have covered a lot in a little blog here, the most important part is to not complain while the game is on. This is the mans time to enjoy the season and yours if you learn to get into it. Get yourself a hobby if you can't follow the above instructions, get into a reading club or just read my blogs (smile), I will try to help you out this season as much as I can.
One of the greatest things about football season is that I know where my man will be at all times, but I digress. This is about the fact that football season is here and I think some women need to stop bitching and complaining about football and get into it. Just like you want your man to go with you to the ballet or to watch a play because it's something you like, you should be able to watch a game, or two or five (yikes!) and be able to do it without bitching and whining. Hell I know college football is right around the corner and I know how I get when my Hurricanes play. I can't wait to see what happens this season, but again I digress.
..
So here it goes ladies if you don't know about football here is your crash course on it. I will try and write it out in lehman's terms.
There are alway 11 players on the field for each team. One team will have their offense and the other their defense. If your team is on offense you want them to run the ball 10 yards from where they started in order to get a "FIRST DOWN" (you have four opportunities to do this) and you want to get many FIRST DOWN'S until you get a touchdown.
This is what the ref does when there is a touch down
When your team is on defense you want them to stop the offense from getting a first down. Got it? Good!
If the ref throws a yellow flag, that means it's a penalty. He will say who it's against so pay attention. If you can't hear him or understand him just watch the expression on your SO's (significant other's) face, this will be a dead give away.
Oh one more thing. The kicker either kicks for 3 pts, meaning when the offense is close to the endzone (the end of the field) and on fourth down and can't converge (i.e. score) the kicker has the weight of the world on his shoulders. You better pray there isn't a wide let or right, FSU fans can relate to this (ha).
Anyhow if the kicker is kicking after a touchdown, he is kicking a P.A.T. (point after touchdown).
I think I have covered a lot in a little blog here, the most important part is to not complain while the game is on. This is the mans time to enjoy the season and yours if you learn to get into it. Get yourself a hobby if you can't follow the above instructions, get into a reading club or just read my blogs (smile), I will try to help you out this season as much as I can.
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